An Unknown Beginning: The Start of a Journey of Faith

As I flipped through my agenda today, I saw that today is April 28, 2014. I had two exams scheduled, a time to work on my Spanish project, a time to prepare for an interview presentation, and a time to clean my house. Today was a busy day. But then a realization hit me like a brick wall...

Only 16 days stand between me and the start of a huge new beginning. One chapter is ending, while a brand new one is starting. But this isn't like every other new beginning I've experienced. Each "fresh start" that I have experienced I have had some sort of idea of what was going to happen, what I was going to do. For instance, the start of college. Even before I graduated high school, I knew that I was going to pack up all my belongings, load them up in my mother's big blue whale of a mini van, take a lovely 10 hour road trip, unload all my stuff into a dorm I would be sharing with a new roommate (shoutout to Josephine, the BEST roommate I have EVER had! I miss you so dearly!!), and start my general education classes on a campus I was somewhat familiar with. I had an idea of who I would meet (thanks to Facebook), where I would spend my time, where I would work, where I would eat, where I would even do my laundry. Even though it was a new beginning, it wasn't an unknown beginning. There was a basic plan for everything. There was a level of comfort along with the anticipation of the future.

While I have been spending hours cleaning my house to prepare to move out in two days (okay, I cleaned my bathroom for 30 minutes...), I have been thinking about this past year and what an amazing chapter of my life this has been. I got to spend the year meeting and growing with new friends, finishing a year of internships, taking *lovely classes,* and spending time with my family, boyfriend, and friends back home. I have loved this year. Despite everything that has happened with my family (Parker, oh Parker...) and terrible professors and long nights feeling discontent and lonely and frustration in other areas of my life, God has taught me so much and I wouldn't trade it for anything! I love this place I am at right now, so I am sad to start a new chapter...

So back to the whole new beginnings shindig.  Every new beginning I have had was expected. It was comfortable. Transitioning from high school to college, the start of a new relationship, starting new jobs, joining a small group. I had an idea of what to expect. But this one, the whole move-to-Portugal-and-work-here-for-three-months thing has me so uneasy right at the moment. While I am excited for this opportunity, I am being attacked with lies and fear. Despite the fact that twelve weeks truly is not eternity, spending twelve weeks in a foreign country where I know NOBODY paralyzes me with doubt. The fact that I have no idea where I am going to be living or eating breakfast or buying groceries or whether not not I will have WiFi to communicate with the people I love most is giving me anxiety. I have never been put in a situation where I don't have at least a concept of what is going to occur. I am being "forced" to fully rely on God, perhaps for the first time ever. The literal journey to Évora is going to be one of complete trust and faith. But even now, as I sit on my bed researching train tickets while enjoying one of the last sunsets I will enjoy in this little house here in Fort Myers, I am reminded of God's mercies and His promise that I won't be alone, not for even a moment. I have been handed an opportunity that will further my career in the future. I have been given an opportunity that most people twice my age can only dream about. I have been presented with a chance to learn in an environment that is unique to Évora, Portugal. And yet my heart seems to keep going back to the questions, to the doubts, to the fears. 

So even though I will be preparing for my literal journey to Portugal, I will also be preparing my heart and my thoughts. If you happen to read through this whole post (is this long? I feel like I have been typing for a while now...), I would really appreciate a word of encouragement. I know I have no reason to feel this anxiety. I know people would kill to be in my position. But I am going to allow myself to be vulnerable enough to say that this is scary. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have friends, family, and my Creator who will support and carry me through the next few weeks. 

Thanks in advance for the love :)

My current view from my bedroom window :)